How To Choose an Egg Donor

Mar 20, 2010 | Fertility Care

I found this great article on how to choose an egg donor. I’m sharing it here.  It is written by Gail Sexton Anderson from www.donorconcierge.com

Do’s and Don’ts of Donor Selection

Choosing an egg donor is one of the most challenging decisions you will ever make. Gail’s best advice—offered after over 12 years of experience—is to look for someone you like on a personal level, rather than someone who looks just like either intended parent. Look for someone to whom you feel drawn, someone who feels “familiar.” These feelings should be reinforced by what the potential donor has to say about herself in her essay responses.

You will want to find an egg donor who is healthy, bright, and looks like she could fit into your family, while resisting the urge to look for a replacement for yourself. We are each as different as snowflakes and will never find an exact physical match. While that may be your goal when you begin your search, it can be a frustrating and futile exercise. Look at each egg donor as an individual and appreciate the unique characteristics she may contribute as well as the things you have in common.

Choosing an Egg Donor

Do

* Give yourself time to grieve your loss of a genetic connection to your child.
* Give yourself time to move forward and appreciate the options available through the miracle of medical progress.
* Take the time to realize that you and your partner are creating a child who is unique to your family and would not be created if not for your love for each other.
* Remember that God blesses you with the child who was destined to be part of your family.
* Remember that blending the genetics of any two people will result in a wonderfully unpredictable outcome in a child, a child you will cherish regardless of his or her hair color or ability to play pro sports.
* Read what the egg donor has to say about herself and choose someone you can relate to.
* Choose an egg donor you would be happy to call your friend or daughter.
* Choose someone who seems like a fit with your family.
* Choose an egg donor between the ages of 21 and 30. Donors younger than 21 may not be emotionally mature; donors older than 30 are not at peak fertility.

Don’t

* Try to replace yourself; you can’t. You are unique, just as every egg donor is unique.
* Fixate on any one or two “must have” characteristics, such as blue eyes or a 4.2 GPA. This may cause you to miss your “ideal egg donor.”
* Set arbitrary time lines or ages by which you must become pregnant. It will only create stress for you and everyone around you.

Choosing an Egg Donor Program

Choosing a program is egg donor driven. In other words, most couples choose the program guided by the availability of a particular egg donor who suits their needs. Nonetheless, there are some do’s and don’ts to consider before you become emotionally invested and allow your desire for the “ideal egg donor” to outweigh your financial abilities.

Do

* Choose an egg donor program that takes the time to find out your individual needs.
* Make sure you are comfortable calling the egg donor agency and don’t feel rushed. Remember that no matter how beautiful, intelligent, or talented an egg donor may be, there is no guarantee your child will have those traits.
* Avoid egg donor programs that charge up-front fees before they allow you to view their donors.

Don’t

* Fall into the erroneous belief that if you pay a premium price, you will get a premium egg donor.
* Believe that paying a higher fee for an “ideal egg donor” will produce better quality ova or improve your chances of parenthood.

However your child comes to join your family, you will love your child no matter what; he or she is the child you were destined to have.